


Dress to Impress

by every1isgay



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coming Out, Confessions, Dresses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gender Dysphoria, Genderqueer Character, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, M/M, Mild Language, Modern Era, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/every1isgay/pseuds/every1isgay
Summary: It's not everyday you come out to your best friend, so Merlin is nervous to say the least. But Arthur's reaction shocks Merlin more than he imagined.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 171





	Dress to Impress

**Author's Note:**

> written by Emery

The velvet dress is soft, softer than anything Merlin has ever owned. He swallows hard, trying to will down the lump in his throat. This will be okay. It will be fine.

The pride center had a free clothing swap, and it was the only place Merlin felt comfortable grabbing a few dresses to try out. None were entirely in his style - or, well, how he had imagined his style - but he was proud of himself for at least  _ getting  _ the dresses. 

The one currently in his hands is the one he decided, out of his new collection of four dresses, will be the first dress he will ever try on. Finally, he can figure out if this is "just a phase" (even though he  _ hates _ that term) or he can see if maybe it's just a kink thing, or see if maybe it's real...

He's gay, he knows that, and has been out as a gay man for  _ years _ . And it's been a convenient cover for his femininity. But, lately... he's been feeling like it might be more than just liking women's clothes.

He holds the dress for another 10 minutes before he completely breaks down and cries into it.

○●○

The football game tonight was a joke, work had been terrible, and Morgana had just told Arthur he was a cunt, so his night was not going well when he got a phone call from his best friend, Merlin.

"I really hope this is important, because I'm about to call Leon to get high as fuck so I can maybe forget about this horrible fucking day."

It was not entirely uncommon for Arthur to answer the phone and immediately start in on himself, something only Merlin would put up with. Most people didn't like Arthur much till moving past his rough edges. But in primary school, Merlin had relentlessly pursued a friendship with him till Arthur gave in and invited him to his tenth birthday party. Ever since, they have been the best of friends. (Sometimes more, but they don't talk about that in the daytime. It has only been a handful of times since uni, and every single time they say it was a mistake and simply resume their friendship as usual. Forget that Arthur knows they are both head of heels for each other, but both too scared to make it official when neither have loved anyone else. It's complicated, okay!)

"A-arthur, can you c-come over? I need… I need… I don't know w-what I need. A h-hug? Just. Please don't be busy right now."

At the first note of Merlin's words, Arthur is on high alert. He grabs his jacket and keys as Merlin tries to get his request out. Even if he hadn't been asking him to come over, Arthur would have anyway. Merlin sounds hurt, and nothing could have stopped Arthur from doing whatever was in his power to make that not be the case.

"Of course, Mer-bird, I'm already on my way. What's… do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to wait till I get there? You're not… you're safe, right?"

Merlin is probably shaking his head, or nodding, forgetting he is on the phone. 

"Answer, Merlin. I need an answer," Arthur scolds in the softest way he can.

Merlin chuckles. Thank fuck he knows Arthur so well. "I'm, yeah… I'm fine. Well, sad… but, not hurt."

Arthur grunts his approval as he gets into his mahogany Audi. "Good. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you till I get there?"

There's a short pause. "Yes please. Just. Tell me about your horrible day."

"That’s gonna make you feel better, huh?" Arthur teases.

Merlin laughs, and it doesn't sound forced. Sure, he's still emotional, but he sounds relieved that he has someone to talk to. So Arthur puts his friend on speaker as he drives, the whole way ranting about the case he's working and the fight he had with Morgana. As he speaks, he realizes that his day maybe wasn't so bad, not when he talks to Merlin about it. Hearing his friend's input helps Arthur to get some things into perspective; it helps shed alternative light on situations that previously Arthur had not thought of.

"Mer-bird, I'm here. Ring me up and I'll see you soon."

Merlin sighs and there is a bit of rustling on the other end before he says, "Right, see you soon."

Arthur hangs up as he pulls his jacket tighter around him, thinking that Merlin may have sounded a little bit disappointed before he ended the call.

○●○

Arthur is perfect. He actually came. Merlin feels like crying all over again. He is so goddamn in love with his best friend, sometimes he can't stand it.

Merlin shoves the dresses in the back of his small closet, and goes to the front door of his flat. 

His roommates Deval and Gilbert aren't home, and honestly Merlin couldn't be happier. He doesn't get along splendidly with them. But more importantly, he wants Arthur all to himself at the moment.

When he opens the door he is attacked with a stifling hug that can only be Arthur Pendragon. Merlin hugs him for all he's worth, sniffing back tears and snot as he breathes in the comforting aroma. The door somehow closes behind Arthur; how he managed that while still embracing Merlin, he will never know. He doesn't have long to ponder it, though, because Arthur practically drags Merlin into the kitchen. It's only once they are at the refrigerator that he lets go of Merlin.

"You have ice cream, I presume?" He asks, lifting a brow.

Merlin blushes, opening the freezer as a way of an answer. Arthur immediately goes for the rocky road, as usual, and Merlin grabs his own pint of cookies and cream.

Soon they are settled on Merlin's double bed, side by side, silently eating their frozen desserts.

After a long moment Arthur finally blurts out, "You don't  _ have _ to talk about it, but I'm curious, and I'm dying to help, Mer-bird. I… are you okay?"

He looks so desperate when he turns to face Merlin that it actually hurts.

"I have to tell you something. You're the only person I trust, and I know, I  _ know  _ you'll be nothing but supportive, but I'm still so scared. I just… I've never said it before and… I'm just scared." Merlin can't stand to look at his best friend. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that Arthur will accept whatever identity it is Merlin settles on. He's just scared to  _ say  _ it. Terrified.

He stabs at his ice cream, waiting for a reply that comes several seconds later. Several seconds of torment.

"Merlin, look at me," Comes the gentle command.

He obeys without thinking, facing the person he loves most. Arthur's there, stoic, yet loving in a way only Arthur Pendragon can pull off. It takes all of Merlin's breath and words and love away from him.

"I know you know this, but I'll say it if you need to hear it: you can tell me anything, and nothing can change-"

Arthur stops. Takes a breath. Then continues.

"-how much I love you."

In less than a minute Merlin has already placed his ice cream on his dresser, clamored on top of Arthur's lap, moved the other man's ice cream next to his, and pulled Arthur's face into a clumsy kiss.

This is not, by any means, the first time this has happened. Back when Merlin first came out, there were significant hints that he was in love with his best friend, and Arthur, for his part, was completely unaware. But it didn't take him long to pick up on the clues, and piece together the fact that Merlin had a huge gay crush on him. As the great detective he is now, one would never guess it took him nearly two years to realize this and tell Merlin he felt the same way. That night they had slept together, but decided neither really knew what they wanted out of it, and decided to focus on their friendship.

Friends who are deeply in love, and unwilling to  _ do _ anything about it, leads to many nights like the first, with a slow acceptance that sometimes they will shag, and that's just part of their friendship.

But tonight as Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur's, it feels so familiar, yet different. He isn't sure if it was different good, or different bad, just… different.

Merlin pulls away, about to apologize, when Arthur puts his hand over Merlin's mouth.

"Don't you dare take that back, you idiot."

Merlin blushes, looking away.

With a sigh, Arthur wraps his arms around Merlin's waist. Waiting.

Finally Merlin looks at him and mumbles, "I can't say it, it's too hard. I… I don't even know what it  _ is _ , I just want to be able to talk to you about it. I wish you just  _ knew _ , you know everything about me." Arthur is silent, and Merlin can't stand it. "Why is this so hard!?" He finally blurts out, looking up again to meet Arthur's eyes.

"I'm listening. Take your time, though. I'm here for you."

Why is this pompous prat so wonderful and perfect!?

"I'm not… I'm not cis." Merlin mutters, squeezing his eyes shut. He can't really believe that he was actually able to finally say that out loud.

But there is no reply.

Slowly, Merlin peels his eyes open, not convinced Arthur is even still there, despite the fact that he is sitting on his lap. Arthur peers at him expectantly, not reacting much at all, as if he is waiting for Merlin to say more.

"Well?" Merlin begs for a reply.

Arthur's eyes widen. "Was that your big news?" He asks, sounding genuinely surprised. "I thought… I mean, you're… well of  _ course  _ you're not cis, Merlin. I… I've never thought…"

Merlin hits him on the shoulder, not exactly sure if he is angry or not. "You prat. What are you on about? I'm… this is my first time ever talking about this with anyone!"

Arthur flinches at the smack, but he doesn't falter. "Merlin, I… well this isn't news to me, but do you want me to react as if I didn't know?"

Of course Merlin wants him to react! Well. In a good way. But this reaction is good, isn't it? Arthur loves him unconditionally, it would seem, which oddly, was Merlin's biggest fear.

"How long have you thought this?" Merlin asks, still not sure how to feel. He doesn't quite know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't this.

Arthur shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe it was a slow realization, maybe I always just had a feeling even if I didn't have a word for it… I don't know. I just know I'm not surprised by you telling me this." Arthur looks away from Merlin, disappointed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you prat. I just… fuck, why are you so perfect?"

Now it's Arthur's turn to scowl incredulously, which turns out to be very adorable. "Perfect? What!?"

This time, Merlin leans in and kisses Arthur slowly. Not hurried as they usually do, letting out the pent-up tension between them. This time it's more of a confession. And Arthur reacts in kind. It's dragged out, gentle yet intense. After a minute or two, Merlin is crying, apparently, because Arthur pulls away to wipe at his cheeks.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong, Mer-bird?"

Merlin sniffles, wiping at his own eyes. "It's just… I'm happy… confused too. And also relieved. There is just… a lot."

"A lot," Arthur agrees.

Merlin bites his lip as he rests his forehead against Arthur's. "Why do we keep doing this?"

His question lingers in the air, both men still and waiting. Waiting for the answer to appear, perhaps. Because neither have any answer.

"Merlin, I love you."

Merlin sighs, tears overflowing yet again. "Arthur, I love you too, so much. Of course I do… but are we ever going to actually… do this and not dance around it?"

Arthur smiles. "I'm never going to stop loving you, Mer-bird. You're my world. No matter what."

"Even… even if I'm trans?"

"Didn't you hear me, you idiot? I said I'm never gonna stop loving  _ you _ ."

Merlin shakes his head. "So does that mean we can stop pretending like neither of us want a relationship?"

Arthur laughs, tightening his hold around Merlin's waist. "Yeah. I suppose that would be a wise next step, wouldn't it?"

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was very personal for me. It was basically me getting trans and dysphoria feels out. As usual, I process emotions through fictional characters and writing.  
> -Emery (they/them)


End file.
